In honour of National Breastfeeding Week in Canada (we celebrate the first week of October), I am taking to the blog to bust some night weaning myths. Night weaning is feeling very near and dear to my heart lately, as O is officially no longer nursing overnight. While this was very much a parent-led change (ie I was ready to stop nursing overnight, not O) I took a very gradual and gentle approach to night weaning. 

Our whole night weaning journey took about ten months (yes, ten months… this is not a typo.) I dropped one feeding at a time, and only when they weren’t working for us. We paused making changes when it wasn’t the right time (teething, illness, job changes, losing our family pet, going on vacation etc.) and let my intuition guide the way. She is now on week five of no nursing at night. And while I still don’t have an official “fully weaned” date in mind, and do get emotional at the thought of no longer nursing O, this is part of our nursing journey that I am (for the most part) happy to be through. 

Over the last nine months of working with mamas and babies, I have found that night weaning conversations come up in nearly every 1:1 support package. And I’ve noticed a few patterns in having these conversations with parents. Many feel guilt for nursing their babies at night even though it’s working for them. Some are ready to make a change and are needing guidance in how to navigate this process. Others are terrified to make a change. And a few have night weaned only to wish they had done things differently.

The reality is there are a lot of misconceptions around sleep and feeding, and many myths surrounding feeding babies at night. In this blog, I am going to demystify some of the most common night weaning myths I hear from parents. And of course, shed light on the reality of what dropping night feeds really looks like or how to navigate this part of your feeding journey. (Note, I used feeding here purposely – many of these myths apply to bottle-fed or combo-fed babes as well.)

So here we go: five night weaning myths that I hear from parents all the time

Night Weaning Myth 1: “Once your baby is 6 months (or any other arbitrary age in infancy) they don’t need to nurse at night”

Let’s clear this one up right out of the gate – most babies need night time nutrition! One of the biggest concerns I hear from parents is that there is something wrong because their baby can’t seem to go all night without a feeding. And they are always reassured when I share with them that most babies are not developmentally ready to go 10-12 hours without a feeding in their first year (and some need feeding at night into toddlerhood.)

The reality is that it is recommended to feed on demand (for both bottle or breastfed babies) until at least 12 months of age, and this includes at night. And while many sleep trainers claim that babies should be able to go 12 hours without feeding by 12 weeks (if you haven’t heard this, consider yourself lucky) if you talk to any IBCLC or infant feeding specialist they will tell you otherwise. 

I will never help parents with official “night weaning” in the first year, because we never want to limit or restrict feeds while breastmilk of formula is the baby’s primary source of nutrition. Every baby has unique feeding needs, and every nursing parents has unique breastfeeding storage capacity. It truly is impossibly to say that all babies need to drop feeds by a certain age, and can actually harm the breastfeeding relationship. 

That doesn’t mean that we can’t work on reducing wakes through other means, and I have helped several families get more sleep without sleep training, and without night weaning in the first year. But the way this is achieved looks very different than how it looks implementing a true night weaning plan for little ones over 12 months.

And in case you have a baby who is sleeping through the night or who has dropped night feeds, I want to assure you that it is perfectly ok if your little one does all on their own (we in the Baby-Led Sleep world call these babies unicorn babies.) Every baby is developmentally ready to drop night feeds at different times. For some babies it absolutely happens in the first year, and for others it’s not well into their second or third year. 

Also on that note, if you have a little one over 12 months who is nursing at night, and it is working for you, there is no need to change a thing. There is no “right age” to night wean – it truly is whenever mom and baby are ready once baby is over 12 months. You can absolutely wait until your baby drops the night feeds on their own, or you can make a parent-led change if you’re ready to give it up before your little one is. The main thing I want you to take away from this is that there is no right time, only the right time for your family, and that feeding on demand in the first year is what is best for baby, even at night. 

Night Weaning Myth 2: “Once you night wean your baby they will sleep through the night.”

This myth is one I hear from worried parents all. The. Time. Often parents think that they have created a “bad habit” by nursing their little one at night (and yes, I even see this from parents with really young babies – thanks, sleep training industry.) Parents often believe that if they could simply just stop feeding their baby that they would sleep through the night. 

And the reality is it’s not quite that straightforward….

Like most of the things I share, it really comes down to the individual baby. Night weaning helps some babies sleep through the night for sure. It could absolutely be a magic solution for your little one. However… other little ones will still wake up at night, and need to then be supported back to  in other ways. For some parents, night weaning actually removes their most effective tool in getting their little one back to sleep. 

If you suspect this is your little one getting really clear on WHY you want to night wean can be really helpful. (this could be a whole blog in itself)  If you are simply looking for an “easy solution” to sleeping through the night this can be a really discouraging way to go about night weaning. Especially if the root of this choice is from feeling external pressure (from friends, family, social media) and you actually don’t mind nursing at night. You also can partial night wean and see what happens (see myth 4) – if your little one starts sleeping longer stretches they very well may sleep through if you keep going. 

However, if you are truly ready to not nurse at night, it may be worth embarking on the process anyway. It may take some time to build up new sleep associations, but if you are truly done with nursing at night this can actually make night wakes more enjoyable to attend to. Again, it’s a really personal choice and this is one of the main reasons the timing needs to be right for you and your family. 

Night Weaning Myth 3: “You can’t night wean a bedsharing baby/toddler.”

Let me start off with this one by saying I am living proof that this is absolutely a night weaning myth! O has not nursed at night for four-and-a-half weeks and we are still bedsharing all night. When we started night weaning I truly didn’t know whether we would move O to her own room before fully night weaning or not. But I can say with confidence now that I am on the other side of our night weaning journey for our family it was the best route to go. 

Like all things night weaning – the choice is up to you! You can move your little one to their own sleep space before night weaning if you want to, but if you’re not ready to stop bedsharing you can absolutely keep bedharing and limit night feeds. There really is no right or wrong. You really have to do what is best for your family. 

Some things to consider if you are moving your little one to their own room first is how you will you feel going back and forth from your room to their room for feeds at night. Research by Dr. James McKenna (his book Safe Infant Sleep is a gem) shows that many nursing mothers feel this is more exhausting than nursing right from the comfort of their own bed (or own room if you are separate surface cosleeping.) 

One of the benefits of continuing to bedshare while night weaning is that it offers a really nice way to support the emotions that inevitably come up when making a parent-led change. For us, this was a big reason we ended up going this route (in addition to the fact that I am not at all ready to stop bedsharing but was ready to move on from night nursing.) Snuggling O, playing with her hair, signing (or listening to Taylor Swift) in our bed have been really nice sleep associations to layer in while going through this transition. 

Another thing to consider is how imminent night weaning is; if you are really touched out and ready to end night nursing yesterday (no shame – sometimes you just hit that point) think of how you will feel if you are nursing at night for another month or more. You wouldn’t want to move your child to their own room AND night wean at the same time as this would be a lot of change for them. It could very likely lead to the process being harder and more emotional (for both of you) than it needs to be. Again, sometimes there are circumstances outside of your control that lead to both needing to be done, however if you can help it, having a bit of time between the two transitions would be the best course of action.

However, you could also be feeling the reverse; you may be so over bedsharing but not feeling as bad about night nursing. You also may want your partner to respond to more night wakes, or you may be getting ready to welcome a new baby who you plan to bedshare with, but are open to tandem feeding. As I have said, there really is no one right way to approach this. 

Night Weaning Myth 4: “You have to totally eliminate night feeds, or keep feeding on demand all night, no inbetween.”

Or as some parents have heard, you need to eliminate them all cold turkey. This is absolutely a night weaning myth and the complete opposite of how I help parents through this transition. No matter the approach the parent wants to take (and I offer lots of strategies to experiment with) I always recommend taking it one feed at a time. Not only because it is easier on baby this way, but because you may actually only want to drop a feed or two then keep the rest. Often when parents embark on the night weaning process they are surprised by the fact that they miss the night feeds. Or at the very least, find them manageable ones they are down to just a few. 

When working with parents, we always drop a feed then reassess: do you want to keep going, or are you actually good with where things are right now? This is how I went about things with O (and why it took ten months from start to finish.)  If mom is good with where things are, or baby truly seems to need a night feed or two (this was O) then it is absolutely ok to wait and drop the other feeds later. As I always say, if it is working for you there is no need to change a thing. 

Parents often fear that this will confuse their little ones if they are saying yes to some feeds and no to others. You can absolutely set boundaries around some feeds and keep the ones that work for you. Your baby will learn the rhythm and routine of night feeds. They will learn the new sleep associations if they are being supported back to sleep one way early on in the night and being nursed as it gets closer to morning. 

You also don’t have to be consistent to a fault. It’s ok to go down to two or three night feeds, but then feed on demand during times of illness, teething, developmental milestones or through a big change. You can always meet your baby where they are at and hold boundaries again once you are both ready. You really do get to make the rules and follow your intuition. 

Night Weaning Myth 5: “The only way to night wean is to have your partner respond to all night wakings.”

There is nothing wrong with having your partner step in and respond to night wakings. In fact it is one of many strategies I have parents experiment with. But this being the *only* solution is a complete night weaning myth. The reality is having your partner take over night wakings is one of many potential strategies that can work.

The most important thing to consider when trying to decide if this is the best solution for your family is whether your partner feels confident co-regulating with baby. It will naturally lead to tears and alarm if baby is signaling for mom and dad is the one who shows up. A partner who is confident in supporting the emotions around night weaning can absolutely make this an effective strategy, even if baby is really wishing it was mom who was there for the snuggles. 

The reality is supporting emotion can be really tough and triggering for all parents. And there are lots of factors that go into how we feel about emotion. Having both parents feeling confident in supporting emotion is always a cornerstone piece of my night weaning plans with families, however, the parent who is taking the lead, regardless of whether it is mom or dad, needs to make sure they are well prepared. 

For some little ones a mix of both parents helping them through the emotions, or having a system where one parent responds and then taps the other parent in when they feel they need some support can be really helpful. But if you are going down this road because you feel it is the only way, or if you are a single parent worried because you don’t have a partner’s support, rest assured that there are lots of other things we can play around with. 

My hope is that after reading this blog you feel more at ease about your night weaning journey. If you’ve ever heard any of these night weaning myths, know you are not alone. You also may have even implemented some of these night weaning myths without knowing they were myths. Please know this is a safe place without judgment. If you night weaned your baby before 12 months, cut feeds cold turkey, or anything else I discussed in this blog, remind yourself that you did your best with the information you had. There are just so many sleep and feeding misconceptions out there that it can feel impossible to know what to do. I know whole-heartedly we all want what is best for our little ones. 

Whether you’re through night weaning, about to start, or it is months (or years) down the road, I hope this has helped uncomplicate the process and shed light on many of the night weaning myths every day parents are hearing. And my goal, as with all things sleep, is to help you tap into your intuition so you can find the night weaning that works for your family.