I finally have the time to sit down and write O’s birth story. It’s Mother’s Day. She is napping in my arms while I type this. And we just wrapped a week of celebrating her second birthday. Much of the week I spent reliving all things “this time two years ago.” So while I was hoping to blog about her birth story much earlier this week I am so glad the timing of things played out this way. 

Which ironically, is actually how I feel about O’s birth.

As you’ll read below, I had a very long early labour with O. This whole story takes place over the course of four days. I wholeheartedly feel that all birth is magical and women’s bodies are truly incredible. These feelings are why I am so excited to share O’s birth story. 

However, I want to first acknowledge that not everyone feels this was about their birth experience. Whatever feelings that come up for you while reading this are completely valid, healthy and normal. Please give yourself permission to feel whatever you need to. 

The Birth and Sleep Connection 

Some of you may be thinking “what does birth have to do with baby sleep? I thought this was a baby sleep blog?” The answer is that birth experiences actually play a huge role in our baby’s (and our own) sleep. Getting to know a mom and baby’s birth experience is an important part of my initial consult when I work with families. 

How was your baby born – uncomplicated or complicated vaginal birth, or c-section? Is there possibly any body tension in baby that should be addressed by a healthcare professional before making changes to sleep? Did mom and baby face any separation during those early moments, or for days afterward? How does mom feel about her birth experience? How does baby feel about their experience (yes, this is something to think about). These are just a few of the questions I get curious about while looking at the connection between birth and sleep. 

So while there is a connection to sleep, there is hardly any baby sleep content in the rest of this post. My intention with this blog is to:

 1) Connect with you all – moms everywhere connect with each other through birth stories, and it truly is important to me to build authentic connections with you all. Also, I ask those of you who book with me to share very intimate and vulnerable details about your birth experiences, so thought knowing my experience may help you feel at ease sharing your story with me. (Note,  moms I work with also have the option to only share a few details if that’s her preference – not everyone wants to share their story and that’s ok.)

2) Have you reflect on your own birth experience. I encourage you to speak with a loved one or licensed mental health professional if you notice any unresolved emotions or trauma coming up for you. 

So here we go. O’s Birth Story. Four days of labour that led to the happiness moment of my life. (PS I haven’t even started writing the story and am already teary)

Day One

Just a little over two years ago, at 3 am, I woke up to my first contraction. I was 39 weeks 2 days pregnant and a wave of emotions washed over me. Disbelief- Was that really a contraction? Sadness – I was one of those rare few who loved being pregnant and part of my wasn’t ready for it to end. Most of all, excitement – Baby Girl was on her way!

I timed contractions for an hour before waking Nic. They were happening every 10-15 minutes and by the third there was no more second guessing what they were. Labour had begun. We tried to sleep, but couldn’t. By 6am contractions were regularly 7-8 minutes apart and one-minute long. I decided to get up and shower, just in case things started to pick up. 

Once I got in the shower everything stopped. An hour went by without a single contraction. I started second guessing myself again. Was it really contractions? I knew whatever I had felt was different than the Braxton Hicks contractions I had in the third trimester, but quickly convinced myself that I was imagining that they were different. 

I decided to go about my day as planned, feeling thankful for another day to enjoy being pregnant. A couple hours later contractions picked up. Again, 10-15 minutes apart. Within an hour they were every 7-8 minutes again. We ate a light lunch, and then I started bouncing on a yoga ball while watching Modern Family (we watched so many episodes during labour and in the early postpartum period – this show holds a special place in my heart.)

Contractions didn’t get closer for a few hours, but they intensified and back labour started. I ended up laying in bed on my side with a hot water bottle on my back. Soon contractions were every 5-6 minutes and once they were consistent for an hour we headed to the hospital. By this point, I was over the moon. 

We registered and headed to labour and delivery. I was a bit disappointed when they told me I was only two centimetres. They kept me for a couple hours and during this time my contractions spaced out and became less intense. Since things were not progressing they sent us home.

While I was slightly disappointed to be going home, I knew this was common. Plus I really wanted to labour as long as I could at home anyway, and viewed this little trip to the hospital as a good practice run. Now we knew what to expect. We went home and slept as much as we could, but it was tough with contractions every 10-15 minutes all night. 

Day 2 & 3

The next day the same pattern continued. Contractions would get closer and closer together, down to about 5 mins apart. Then they’d intensify. To the point of leaning over on a chair and hardly able to talk for an hour or so. Then they would space back out and become less intense. But they never let up for more than 15-20 minutes. All day and all night. 

By the morning of the third day I was becoming tired. And just as I started to get a bit discouraged, contractions finally moved past the five-minute mark. After an hour of contractions consistently four-minutes apart, we went back to the hospital.

I still vividly remember the resident checking me and saying “you’re four centimetres, she is on her way!” (Spoiler, she didn’t arrive until after lunch the following day.) I instantly started crying happy tears. 

An hour later I was at five centimetres. Things were moving along so they admitted me and I was confident she would be here later that day. 

They did an ultrasound to ensure Baby Girl was head down. She was indeed head down, but they discovered that she in the occiput posterior position (aka “sunny side up.”) Our labour and delivery nurse said this was likely why things had been starting and stopping for a few days. 

A few hours later, contractions were the furthest apart they had been since they’d started. I stopped progressing. After another hour of no change I was told I was being discharged. And this time I was so discouraged.

Our nurse reassured us that going home for a bit was better than an unnecessary induction and that she suspected I would be back in later that night. She also advised me to rest as much as possible, and gave a few tips on how to try and turn Baby Girl naturally. 

On the drive home the exhaustion hit me. Nic and I crashed as soon as we got home. I slept 3 hours straight, the longest stretch I’d had in almost three days.

When I woke contractions were every five minutes. And I went on a mission to turn Baby Girl. I bounced on a yoga ball (while eating the most delicious soup and biscuits my mom had dropped off while we were sleeping) and went for a long walk. During the walk, contractions became close together again. By the end of the walk they were every 3-4 minutes and strong. 

Nic and I stayed at home as long as we could. I was so afraid of being sent home a third time. Finally around 11pm I had by far the worst contraction I’d had yet… so we went back to the hospital. And this time we didn’t get sent home.

Day 4 – O’s Birth Day

We arrived at the hospital by midnight, and the nurses were shocked when they pulled my chart and saw I’d been sent home at 5 centimetres. When they checked, I was still only 5 centimetres, however significantly more effaced. Shocked and afraid of being sent home, I started to cry. The resident reassured me they would not send me home again and said they could tell my water was close to breaking on its own. 

Sure enough, about an hour later my water broke. 

And this is when I truly got excited. I was confident she was coming, and I couldn’t wait to meet her. 

I wanted to rest but couldn’t. Contractions didn’t let up and were every 2-3 minutes. I coped by hanging out in the shower and leaning over during contractions. 

And all the sudden, while in the shower leaning over, I felt her turn. Another confidence boost I didn’t know I needed. I now had full trust that my body was ready and so was Baby Girl. 

By 6am, I decided I wanted an epidural. Contractions were on average every two minutes, becoming more intense and I was tired from little to no sleep. While I had planned for an unmedicated birth, I was always open to an epidural. My plan was to labour as long as I could without it, but to trust myself to know if I needed it. And to feel no guilt or shame if I decided I needed this.

I thought part of me would regret asking for it, but honestly given such a long labour it was the best decision! Once I received it (after seven attempts thanks to my “mild” scoliosis) I was finally able to rest. It also allowed me to truly be present and enjoy the labour process start to finish. I truly wouldn’t change a thing. 

Once I had the epidural things progressed much quicker. A half hour after getting it I was 9 centimetres. A few hours later, it was finally time to push. This part of the process is a time warp and a bit of a blur. I pushed for about an hour and a half, but it felt like 20 minutes.

Nic was incredible! The nurse taught him how to tell when it was time to push by feeling my stomach. After a couple pushes, it really was just him and I leading the process. We were in our own little world, and the nurse was just there to help and monitor. It was such an amazing and bonding moment in our marriage. 

I didn’t notice, but Baby Girl’s heart rate started to rise. The nurse went to get the doctor and I didn’t even realize she stepped out of the room. He arrived and explained to me what was happening. He said she was in a good position for a vacuum delivery, but if that didn’t work I would need a c-section. My response was to do whatever he needed to get her here safely.

The next few minutes were a blur. The room filled with staff and there was so much going on I started to get worried. The doctor reassured me that was in a good position and that helped me stay calm. I focused on getting her in my arms as quickly and safely as possible.

I was surprised by how quickly Baby Girl arrived once the vacuum was on. Two final pushes and she was here. Healthy and perfect. 

Post-Delivery Bliss

They immediately placed O on my chest, and it will forever be one of the best moments of my life! Truly magical. After a long TTC journey, and two pregnancy losses, I finally had my rainbow baby girl in my arms. For the first time in months, I believed that I was actually going to get to keep her. It was such a surreal moment.

We spent the next few hours skin to skin, in awe of how beautiful and tiny she was! She nursed for the first time no problem at all – another magical moment. It really was everything I’d hoped for. I’d never felt so happy and in love in all my life.

After a few hours of snuggling her, the nurse handed her to Nic so I could shower. Watching him hold her for the first time is another moment I will never forget. His smile was a smile I’d never seen before. And I instantly started bawling.

Once in our hospital room we spent a few hours just soaking up our time just the three of us. She slept skin to skin on my chest or nursed all night. I will never forget the smell of her head, the feeling of her snuggled in close or how much happiness I felt that night.

If I could pick one day of my life to travel back in time to relive, hands down it would be the day she was born.

 And I wouldn’t change a thing.

Looking back, I am not at all surprised I was anxious during my first year of motherhood. After two pregnancy losses before my pregnancy with O, the beginning of my motherhood journey was spent worrying. On top of that, I was pregnant with O in 2020 and 2021 during the pandemic; naturally another source of anxiety. I naively thought that once O arrived and was safely in my arms that all my anxiety would melt away. And honestly, for the first few months it did. I was thriving in motherhood and was trusting my own instincts along the way. So needless to say, I was not prepared when I started to have anxiety around sleep when O was three months old. 

You can read all about O’s sleep during the newborn days here. 

But knowing what I know now, I am not at all surprised. I’ve since learned through my certification that a risk factor for postpartum anxiety is having anxiety during pregnancy. I also learned that sleep is a common anxiety trigger for many moms. Sleep anxiety is also a topic that comes up while talking with some of my mom friends. I see it often while working with families. So while my experience isn’t out of the ordinary, I wish more moms didn’t have to go through this. 

*If you are reading this and really struggling, PostPartum Support International and Post Partum Support Society are two resources enocourge you to check out if you need immediate support. 

May is Maternal Mental Health Month. In honour of this month, I am sharing the five shifts I made during my first year of motherhood to ditch my anxiety around sleep. I can honestly say O’s sleep no longer causes me stress. If you are anxious around baby sleep, I hope you find these five tips helpful.

1. Therapy

Let’s start with an obvious one… therapy. I am a huge advocate for talking with a therapist in all stressful seasons of life, and sometimes motherhood falls into this category. I found a great motherhood-focused therapist when I went through our second pregnancy loss and continued to see her throughout my pregnancy with O and after she was born. I still see her every couple of months (actually, just saw her this past week) to talk through any anxiety that comes up in motherhood or life in general. 

It was through talking with my therapist that I came to the realization that despite feeling confident in trusting my intuition, O’s sleep was still a trigger for me. I had found sleep solutions that worked for us, but still worried that I was doing something wrong. And was very worried about what others thoughts about our approach to sleep. I felt like I was doing everything different than my friends. 

My therapist gave me the tools to identify when I was feeling anxious and techniques to ground myself when those moments happened. Which led to the four other shifts I made during motherhood to reduce anxiety around baby sleep discussed below.

When looking for a therapist, my number one tip for moms is to find someone who specifically works with mothers. They are more likely to understand your specific struggles. I also recommend going one step further and asking if you can bring your little one to your appointments (if nothing more then to see if they truly get what life with a baby entails.) One of the things that made seeing my therapist easy during motherhood was the fact that I could bring O along if I wanted to. O attended every appointment until she was about eleven months old. I also have the option to do a virtual appointment when needed, and this is very helpful when O has been sick or I when I can’t find someone to look after her while I attend an appointment. Finding someone who is flexible, understands the demands of motherhood and who you feel supported can make the world of difference if you struggle with anxiety.

2. Journalling and Daily Affirmations

Journaling is my go-to when I am feeling anxious. Getting my thoughts “out of my mind” and on paper helps me so much. I have an entire journal filled with anxious thoughts from our TTC days and my pregnancy with O. Once she arrived I found it hard to make the time to journal everyday and was no longer filling pages each entry when I did find the time. 

When O was ten months old I started using the Five Minute Journal (linked here, not sponsored) and love it! Of course I still need long open-ended journal time every now and then, but the Five Minute Journal helps me stay on top of getting my thoughts on paper. 

One of the most helpful parts of this journal was the prompt to write a daily affirmation. When I am feeling anxious around sleep, I tend to write some of the following affirmations:

“I can cope with this.” – this was a recommendation from my therapist. I write this when I am feeling anxious because of the uncertainty or lack of control that sometimes comes with baby sleep. 

“This phase will pass.” – I write this when we are in a particularly difficult sleep phase (teething, separation anxiety or sleep progression). 

“I give myself permission to rest if I need to today. Rest is important. Everything else can wait.” – I write this when I am tired after a rough night or feel overwhelmed by my to-do list. 

“Comparison is the theIf of joy.” – I write this whenever I find myself worried that O isn’t sleeping as she “should be.” Luckily I haven’t had to write this one in a long time, but I’ll talk about that more in tip 6 & 7. 

You don’t need a fancy journal to do this. Even working this into a mindfulness practice can help tremendously. Or simply writing an affirmation on a piece of paper will do the trick.

3. Focus on what you can control

One of the anxiety around sleep triggers I uncovered while talking to my therapist was the uncertainty that comes with baby sleep. What time would she nap? How many times would she be awake at night? Would she fall asleep in the car, stroller, carrier if we decided to go out? All the unknown and lack of control was part of what caused me anxiety. I heard this from some of the moms I work with as well.

One thing that helped me ditch the anxiety around sleep was focusing on all the non-sleep related things in my life I could control. And the non-sleep related focus was key. Not finding the perfect wake window. Not focusing on all the sleep environment elements I could control. For me to let go of my anxiety around sleep I needed to take the focus off sleep all together. 

For example, focusing on things I could control like eating nourishing meals, getting in a daily dose of sunshine (you can read all the benefits of time outside here) and moving my body were all things within my control that could help me feel at my best even if I didn’t get a good nights sleep. 

I also realized I could control my own sleep habits. I started getting off my phone at night (my husband got me bluelight glasses for Christmas to help with this). I started going to bed a bit earlier. I bought a blue light blocking book light and started reading before bed again. Once I realized I could control my own sleep hygiene it made me feel less overwhelmed by the uncertainty around O’s sleep. By focusing on all that I could do to feel less tired, I knew I had plenty within my control if we had a rough night. And once I felt like I had a bit of control, a rough night didn’t seem so stressful. 

4. Curate your social media

Following the right accounts on social media was an important step in releasing the anxiety that I was feeling around sleep. As I shared in my first blog post (click here) I took a popular newborn sleep course when I was pregnant for O. This sleep trainer (who I didn’t even realize was a sleep trainer) was the only account I followed on Instagram until O was six months old. 

Even though I ditched the program really quickly because it didn’t align with how I felt about sleep, I didn’t unfollow the account for quite some time. Her page, among others I didn’t follow (thanks to Instagram’s algorithm) popped up on my screen daily. Every day I saw posts that caused me to second guess my instincts. I was consuming content of babies taking two-hour naps in their crib, with perfect schedules and sleeping through the night. 

And O wasn’t doing any of that. 

It didn’t matter that I loved contact napping and baby wearing, or that our daily walk where O napped in her stroller brought me so much joy, I thought I was tackling naps wrong. I felt ashamed for bedsharing, because all I saw was babies sleeping in their own beds. 

Over time, as I researched normal infant sleep, I started found new accounts. Ones that resonated with my experience with sleep and validated my instincts. They presented research that made sense from a biological and attachment perspective. Most of them were certified through Isla Grace Sleep, which is what led me to enrolling in their certification program. 

I no longer felt like I was doing it all wrong, and I no longer felt isolated. Like I was the only one doing things “this way.”

And eventually, I unfollowed the one I’d been following since my pregnancy. And it was so freeing! My daily scroll through instagram no longer causes me to stress about sleep. Instead it gave me confidence that my intuition was spot on and I enjoyed seeing other moms who felt similar as I did about sleep. 

I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I talk to so many moms who have felt that their baby isn’t sleeping as they should be because of something they’ve seen on social media. Social media is fantastic, but we need to be mindful of how the content we consume makes us feel. There are so many posts showing ideal schedules for a certain age, and picture perfect posts of babies sleeping in their cribs. There is also lots of misinformation on there that go against moms instincts. 

If something makes you feel like you’re doing it all wrong, get curious WHY you feel that way. And look into the person you are following. I encourage you to put whatever boundaries you need in place. Delete, block or mute any accounts that make you feel anxious about sleep. And find ones that align with your values. 

5. Educate yourself on normal infant sleep 

Of all the tips and shifts, this is the one that had the greatest impact for me. Learning all about normal infant sleep is what allowed me to finally ditch my anxiety around sleep. I spent hours during O’s first year of life reading all things baby sleep and once I realized that O was overall a pretty normal sleeper I was able to fully let go of my anxiety around her sleep. 

I am so grateful that I had the time and passion for research to educate myself on what sleep really looks like for babies and toddlers. But so many moms don’t have time (or desire) to. Or they don’t realize that there are even other options out there aside from sleep training. 

And this is why I started Intuitive Baby Sleep. My experience fueled my passion for educating parents on normal infant sleep, helping parents get more sleep without sleep training and empowering moms to trust their intuition. I want more moms to know what it really means to “sleep like a baby” (or toddler) and know there are so many options aside from “cry it out” or “wait it out.” My mission is to create a world where moms feel confident trusting their intuition and ultimately stress less about their baby’s sleep.

I truly believe that if more moms knew what was normal (and also just as importantly, what is a red flag) in their baby’s sleep they would feel more confident in their motherhood journey.