At the beginning of the new year, I spend a lot of time reflecting on the past year. I’m always amazed at how much has changed, even more now that we have O. I look back at pictures from last year and can’t believe how she has changed, especially between 12-18 months.
And, of course, I can’t help but think about how much her sleep has changed. This time last year, when O was eight-months-old, we were entering the most sleep-deprived stage we’d ever been in (yes, even more sleep deprived than the newborn days – you can read all about that here.) I honestly can’t believe how far we’ve come.
While we went through many challenges in the 7-11 months stage, things improved significantly between 12-18 months. O still has yet to sleep through the night, but for the most part, her wakings are brief and only a few times a night. This is very normal. Many toddlers still wake at night. Despite these wakings, we’re, for the most part, relatively well-rested these days.
Don’t get me wrong, this stage has its challenges. And exhausting moments, as I’ll discuss in detail below. But they were easier to manage during this phase. By the time O was one, I had drastically shifted my perspective on sleep. I’d read enough to know everything we were experiencing was normal and had been through enough sleep challenges to know any tough phases would eventually end. I think having realistic expectations and a better mindset about sleep led me to feel more rested during this phase.
During the 12-18 months phase, we didn’t have many nap time challenges, but we had three instances where her nighttime sleep was impacted; O fractured her ankle around her first birthday, I returned to work when she was fourteen months old, and she went through a sleep progression around seventeen months.
I hope that by sharing our experience during the 12-18 months stage, I can help normalize toddlers still waking up at night. And toddlers still needing their parents’ support. And most of all, I hope our story reminds those in the thick of a rough sleep patch that everything passes in time.
Fractured Ankle
O fractured her ankle just two weeks shy of her first birthday. Seeing her in pain is hands down one of the hardest things I’ve experienced. And such a helpless feeling. I just wanted to make it all go away for her, and I couldn’t.
One of the ways I could make things easier on her was to completely surrender and let her sleep when she needed to and hold her as much as I could. We went back to exclusive contact napping. I bought this carrier (click here) since she had outgrown the one we had so that she could nap on me as much as she needed. This carrier was a lifesaver since I wasn’t confined to the couch or bed for every nap. I didn’t cap any of her naps. I felt that her body needed the extra rest to heal, so I let her get it whenever she could.
I got very in tune with O’s sleepy cues during this time. More in tune than I ever was. I didn’t follow any wake windows, and our days didn’t have much rhythm. Even our routines were pretty much nonexistent.
I completely surrendered and followed her lead. And you know what? It was freeing!
I didn’t realize how much I stressed about sleep until this experience. And while I would still spare O from this pain if I could, the silver lining is that I was able to shed my sleep-related anxiety once and for all.
Our nights were very broken during this phase as we gave O pain medication around the clock. But the broken sleep didn’t bother me. I don’t know whether it was the realistic expectations, adrenaline or the immense empathy I felt for O, but I never got upset about being up through the night. I actually didn’t even get that run down. Looking back, I am shocked by how well I functioned on such little sleep.
The good news about minor fractures in babies is they heal exceptionally fast. O was completely healed within four weeks, and sleep went mostly back to normal after two weeks. And it went back to normal all on its own—no intervention from us whatsoever.
Please let this be your permission slip to let go of any worry that you will cause bad habits during seasons when babies need us a bit extra. These seasons happen. From teething, to illness, to injuries or anything that causes our little one’s discomfort, the most important thing you can do for them is be there. Hold them. And surrender.
I promise you things will eventually return to normal. Maybe even all on their own like they did for us. But even if the new patterns stick, the worst thing that will happen is that you will need to shift the pattern.
And there are SO many ways you can do this without sleep training.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Nothing lasts forever. There are no bad habits, only patterns. And when patterns no longer work for you, they can be changed.
Returning to Work
When O was 14 months old, I returned to my research job part-time. I realize how privileged I have had 14 months home with her. I was lucky to have two “extra” months at home: after my 12 months of maternity leave, I had an 8-week contract that allowed me to work from home a few evenings a week.
After so many beautiful months home together, we both took this change hard. Separation is very tough on babies, toddlers and parents too. There were lots of tears from both of us. Tears are expected, especially in the face of separation. I always left O with a loving, supportive caregiver, but walking out the door while she cried broke my heart. And I would cry the whole way to work, even once I got the update that she was doing better.
I did what I could to make the transition easier for her. We had lots of extra connection and opportunities for play when I got home, and I made sure my arms were a safe place for O to let out her tears. I often received feedback that O had a great day, and I quickly learned that meant she would have a lot of big feelings that evening and often into the night.
It is so typical for children to hold it together when they are separated from their parents, only to let out all their feelings when they’re reunited. We are their safe place, and once they are safely back in our arms, all the emotions they hold in all day usually come out.
O also sought out extra connection at night during this time. She had more frequent wakes, and often nursing was the only thing that provided her comfort. This was tough, but mainly because I felt my whole world turned upside down. Going back to work was stressful and a much bigger adjustment than I ever imagined it would be. Even when O was sleeping, I, for the most part, wasn’t. I was too stressed so that I would lie awake for hours. I was exhausted, but I knew O waking more was only a tiny part of the reason. It was because my sleep needed working.
I made sure to take extra good care of myself. I prioritized getting outside more than usual (you can read all about the benefits of getting outside in last week’s blog here). I talked about this transition with my therapist. And I started going to sleep as soon as O was asleep. Falling asleep at the end of the day wasn’t the hard part for me. It was staying asleep. So one way to log more hours was to go to bed when O did, even if it was early (and still light outside).
The good news is that the disrupted nights were short-lived. About a month after O’s babysitter started, our sleep levelled out. She went back to sleep like usual, and I eventually managed my stress levels and got my sleep back on track.
If your little one is starting childcare soon, or you’ll be separated for any reason, know that it is so normal for many tears and disrupted sleep. It will eventually pass, but it is tough when you’re in the thick of it.
18-month sleep PROgression
The final sleep challenge we experienced between 12-18 months was the 18-month sleep PROgression, which is how I like to frame sleep regressions. Although sleep can be affected, it sometimes feels like sleep is “regressing” these progressions happen because of a surge in development.
Not all babies go through sleep progressions, and some go through a few but not all. O completely skipped out on the 12-month sleep progression, but the 18-month one hit her hard.
Between 17-18 months, O was working on so many skills. She was learning to run, hop, and climb. She was saying new words every day. She went through a growth spurt; suddenly, nothing was fitting her. She seemed to become a toddler overnight.
With so many changes going on at once, her sleep was disrupted. For a few weeks, she frequently woke, and we had the occasional split night. In so many ways, I coped better with this regression than others. Mostly because I had realistic expectations and knew that with her changing so fast, some sleep disruption is bound to happen. I overall stressed way less about this regression. However, it was O’s first regression since returning to work. Not being able to rest during her naps (or occasionally nap when she napped) was hard.
This was another phase where I would go to sleep as soon as I could to log as many uninterrupted hours as I could. She would generally sleep 3-4 hours before her frequent wakes began, so getting as much sleep as I could in that window helped tremendously.
Like all regression, O’s sleep was only “off” for a few weeks. She went right back to sleeping like normal, with 1-2 wakes a night.
Final takeaway from this stage
My biggest takeaway from the 12-18 month stage is that sleep is not linear, but it does become more consistent as time goes on. There will be bumps throughout toddlerhood, but they are simply that, bumps. Tough weeks (or months) will come and go.
