Naps are one of the most common concerns I hear from new moms. I also was stressed about naps during my first year of motherhood. Knowing what I know now, I see how my stress was caused by “nap rules” that are actually nothing but a bunch of nap myths.
In this blog, I bust a few of the most common nap myths that stress moms out about their little one’s sleep. Of course, like everything I talk about here, if something works for your family, you don’t have to change it. For example, just because it’s a myth that a baby needs to follow the EASY routine, it doesn’t mean you need to stop the EASY routine if it’s working for you. (If you don’t know what this is, consider yourself lucky, but I explain it in detail below.) Some things work for some babies, and that’s ok! Where these nap rules become problematic is when moms feel like they HAVE to do something that goes against their intuition or that doesn’t work for their baby.
This blog intends to give peace of mind to the mom who is doing “all the things,” and none of it is working. It’s to show her that it’s ok (and quite normal) if her baby doesn’t nap the way the books or sleep trainers claim they should.
Nap Myth #1: EASY routine
Let’s start with the EASY routine because it’s the nap myth that bothers me the most. The EASY routine was something I followed with my daughter for a brief period of time when she was around three months old (you can read all about that here.)
The EASY routine is an acronym for following a schedule for feeding and sleep. It stands for Eat, Awake/Activity, Sleep, You time. The idea is that you feed your baby when they wake up, then they have some awake or playtime. After playtime, you put them to sleep without a feeding (or better yet, they put themselves to sleep drowsy but awake – another “sleep rule” that doesn’t work for every baby). While they sleep, the mom gets time to herself. Sounds easy, right? Spoiler, it’s not easy for every baby.
One of the biggest issues I have with the EASY routine is that it puts the breastfeeding relationship at risk. Placing the baby on any feeding schedule is not recommended during the first year, especially not during the early months when the mom’s milk supply is still being established. It is essential to feed on demand whenever baby signals that they are hungry.
And they will likely signal more than every three hours… and this is ok! It is perfectly natural for babies to feed often during the first few months of life. They’ll likely do some variation of eat, awake, eat, sleep or eat, sleep, awake, sleep because of how fast breast milk metabolizes. And each day could look a bit different (hello, frequent growth spurts!)
But when moms follow the EASY routine, they only feed their baby upon waking. When the baby cries, and it’s “not time to eat yet,” moms may feel guilty for “giving in” and letting the baby nurse (I felt this guilt HARD with O). If they don’t offer a feed and find other ways of soothing, it is a recipe for a plummeting milk supply. And sometimes that leads to mom not nursing as long as she had hoped.
It also can lead to an excruciating nap time experience for both mom and baby. Let me ask you this: can you fall asleep when you’re hungry? Probably not. Your baby is no different. So imagine how hard it would be to support a baby to sleep if you didn’t offer a feed before the nap? I can tell you, as someone who did this for a few weeks, it’s awful.
Parents end up rocking and bouncing their baby for a long time. This is often countered with “try drowsy but awake.” And often, this leads to a distraught baby since the reason they’re crying in the first place is that they are hungry.
So what do I follow if EASY doesn’t work?
All in all, the reason I don’t like this routine (or any of the nap myths in this blog) is it strips mom’s intuition away from her. Instead of following her baby’s cues and learning their unique cries, mom is following a schedule that is not biologically normal for the baby.
Instead, I encourage parents to tune into what their baby needs. If you know your little one and you can tell they’re hungry, but you just fed them, go ahead and feed them! I promise you can’t spoil a baby.
Nursing them to sleep is biologically normal. It is not an accident that your baby starts to drift off when nursing… Breastfeeding releases sleep-inducing hormones. It also helps babies establish their circadian rhythm, which doesn’t fully develop until somewhere between 2-6 months of age.
Nursing to sleep is biologically normal for moms too. When we nurse our babies, our hormones shift to help us feel relaxed and rested. It’s why it’s so intuitive for many of us to feed our babies to sleep.
Nap Myth #2: Naps on the go aren’t as restorative
I have seen claims on the internet that naps on the go aren’t as restorative. I’ve yet to see anything so bold as to claim all naps should take place in the crib; however, I still find the underlying message is that parents should only use naps on the go when necessary.
And this really isn’t backed up by anything…
Throughout the day, babies and toddlers build up sleep pressure in their brains. The purpose of a nap is to relieve the built-up pressure… and car naps, stroller naps and carrier naps all get the job done!
Of course, baby might wake up earlier than usual when they nap on the go, but there is nothing wrong with this. This leads us to nap myth number three….
Nap Myth #3: Short naps are bad for a baby’s development
This nap myth could not be further from the truth! And what bothers me the most is it uses fear tactics to prey on new parents. A parent who is led to believe that short naps (less than one sleep cycle, so usually 30-40 mins) are going to harm their baby’s development is naturally going to feel alarmed any time their baby takes a short nap.
In reality, short naps are normal, especially for babies under six months.
Babies indeed need restorative sleep due to their highly active brains. But this doesn’t mean that every nap needs to be long to be healthy. And short naps are not doing any harm to your little one.
The most important thing to consider is if your baby wakes up happy, calm and ready to learn. If they are, then the short nap is just fine for them. Short naps are plenty of rest for most young babies, especially on three or more daily naps.
If they continuously seem overtired and grumpy after short naps, you may need to experiment with encouraging longer naps. If your little one truly needs a longer nap, try using motion or contact naps for one or two naps a day. Babies often nap longer when they are in contact with their caregiver than in their cribs.
You can also try rescuing the nap when you rock, cuddle or feed baby back to sleep if they wake up from a short nap and still seem tired.
But rest assured; your baby is most likely getting all the sleep they need. Short naps and very fragmented sleep at night are entirely normal. It is very rare for your baby to be genuinely sleep deprived, and it will not harm them not to sleep long, consolidated stretches.
My Approach to Naps
These are just a few of the nap myths I see causing parents stress. There are so many nap myths out there (let me know in the comments if you want me to do a part two), and most of them add pressure on parents. They cause parents to feel guilty over things that are normal. And most importantly (in my opinion at least), most of them cause parents to do something against their intuition.
When I work with families, I help them tap into their instincts: no nap myths, no rules. Because sleep is not one-size-fits-all. Every baby has a unique temperament and every family has unique preferences. We work together to find the naptime strategies that work for you, and learn to tune out everything else.
