We started bedsharing with our daughter, O, when she was four months old. As much as we loved it when we started, we never thought we would be bedsharing with her into toddlerhood, yet here we are! We haven’t even attempted to move O into her own sleep space. And we have no plans to anytime soon. Because to my husband and I, bedsharing with a toddler is pretty amazing!
Click here to read my blog From Bassinet to Bedsharing for the start of our bedsharing journey.
In last week’s blog about our family floor bed, I shared a bit of our plan to transition into her own room someday. In full transparency, it made me super emotional as I wrote that part and the thought of the day that she’d no longer be sleeping peacefully next to me all night brought tears to my eyes. Of course, the day will come when we want to move her into her own sleep space (or who knows, maybe she’ll be ready before we are), but for now, we don’t have an end-of-bedsharing date in mind.
Click here to read Trying (and Loving) a Family Floor Bed.
As I unpacked those thoughts over the past week, I realized I’m probably not the only one who loves bedsharing with their toddler. Most of what I see on social media is about moving on from bedsharing or how to get your toddler out of your bed. Those posts are totally valid, and I’ll absolutely be sharing my thoughts on this as I build out this blog, especially as we go through the process ourselves someday. But for those who aren’t ready, there really isn’t much to validate those feelings. So if you love bedsharing with your toddler, this post is for you!
Reasons I Think Bedsharing With A Toddler Is Amazing
1. Connection
One of the reasons I love bedsharing into toddlerhood is it gives us time to reconnect. This wasn’t why I loved bedsharing when O was a baby. However, since being back to work, it’s the main reason I’m not ready to give it up. Knowing we’ll get to snuggle at night makes the days we are apart a bit easier. It’s one of my favourite ways to reconnect with her, and I can tell she loves it too.
I also find that O goes through phases of needing more connection, which is very common during toddlerhood. She sometimes seeks out that connection at night. I’ve noticed a correlation between her needing comfort at night and how much separation we’ve experienced that day. O is snugglier at bedtime and throughout the night if we’ve been apart or had a busy day. I cannot imagine getting out of bed to fill her connection cup at night. Being able to roll over and cuddle her, sing to her or nurse her when she needs comfort is amazing. And so easy.
Sometimes she wakes briefly (as we ALL do at night), moves her body close to my husband or me and instantly falls back asleep. Sometimes we’re met with a kiss on the cheek or her reaching out to hold our hand. It truly doesn’t get any better than that!
2. More Sleep For Everyone
Many toddlers still wake up a night for lots of reasons. Not a lot of people talk about this. Most of us went into parenthood thinking night wakes ended after the first year, but it’s pretty common for toddlers to need their parents at night. Another reason bedsharing with a toddler is great is that I get more sleep.
O still wakes and needs me 1-2 times a night at the minimum. Being able to respond to her without getting out of bed (heck, sometimes I hardly open my eyes) is so important to me. I am someone who is “up once I’m up.” It takes me a long time to fall back asleep if I get out of bed and fully wake up. Bedsharing is my sleep saving grace. I can typically meet O’s needs and be back to sleep within ten to fifteen minutes. I seriously cannot imagine responding to her at night any other way.
This isn’t the case for all parents. Some sleep terribly with their child in bed with them, and that’s perfectly ok. There are lots of ways to encourage independent sleep. As I’ve said in other blogs, there are SO MANY options aside from cry it out, and wait it out. If you’re bedsharing and it isn’t working for you, I’d love to help you shift patterns. Click here for my contact page.
3. Continued Breastfeeding
One of the top reasons O wakes up at night is to nurse. Not only does bedsharing allow me to meet this need and get as much sleep as possible, but I am also sure bedsharing is one of the reasons we are still going strong on breastfeeding nineteen months in. Like bedsharing, I never thought I would be nursing a toddler, but it is another thing neither of us is ready to give up.
When we hit the one-year mark, I wanted to continue nursing for quite some time. And once I was back to work, I noticed a drop in supply, even though I was pumping. Of course, I don’t know for sure, but I feel nursing at night has helped maintain my milk supply throughout toddlerhood.
Thoughts on Nightweaning
Like bedsharing, I don’t have a weaning date in mind. However, I did recently put a few nighttime nursing boundaries in place though. O was waking to nurse more times than was sustainable. I’ll save all the details for a blog on night weaning once we’re through with nursing at night, but we’re at a place where I can nurse her once or twice throughout the night and soothe her in other ways if she wakes more than that.
I have thought about night weaning altogether (yes, it is possible to stop nursing at night without moving on from bed-sharing). Still, after experimenting while setting boundaries, I’m sure she needs those feeds. Generally, she only wakes around 1 am and 4 am, but sleep is not linear, so of course, we have nights with more wakes than that (and luckily nights with less than that too.) All other wakes, I now can resettle her while rubbing her back, singing a song or snuggling, which is great! And helps keep bedsharing with a toddler enjoyable and sustainable for me.
4. Bedsharing With A Toddler Is Incredibly Grounding
I am continually amazed by how fast O is growing up. Especially throughout toddlerhood. She is constantly working on new words and learning new skills, and I swear she looks older every day. It’s the most bittersweet thing to watch her grow up. I’m so proud of her and love how determined she is, but it’s also emotional watching time steal my baby from me.
Bedsharing and nursing are two things that make her still feel little to me. Like we still have a piece of her babyhood with us each day. I find these moments so grounding. It can be so easy to forget how young she still is when she’s talking up a storm and running around the house. But then, at night, I stare at her and soak it all in. I’m reminded all at once of how little she is and how much she’s grown.
She no longer fits inside the cuddle curl, yet she is still so small lying next to me. One minute I’m in awe by how tall she is getting, and the next, I’m marvelling over how tiny she looks on our bed.
I look at pictures and can’t believe how much she’s changed since her newborn days. Yet when she sleeps, her features look precisely how they did the day she was born. Her cheeks, her soft expression and how she holds her hands while sleeping take me back to those early days.
I spend our bedsharing nights reliving our past and soaking up the present, all while knowing how soon this season will be over. It’s the perfect perspective to end the day with.
5. The Snuggles
I am sure this is an obvious one, but I couldn’t write a post about bedsharing with a toddler without mentioning snuggles. From our final feeding and cuddles as she falls asleep to hugging her throughout the night, our nights are filled with endless snuggles. And it’s how we start our day every morning. To me, nothing is better than this in motherhood. I am sure a version of this will continue when we someday move O to her own bed because I genuinely can’t imagine starting our day any other way. It is the best part of bedsharing with a toddler.
These are the five reasons I love bedsharing with O. If you bedshare with your toddler and love it, I’d love to hear from you in the comments. It’s definitely not a sleeping arrangement that works for every family, but for those that love it, let’s help them feel less alone.
